Love is LIFE CHANGING!

My life has been forever changed by love.

I want to forever preserve the goodness of my marriage with my husband which is why I read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I feel like my mentality on love has been clarified in many ways and I want to share a few of those ways with you as I highly recommend that you read "The 5 Love Languages". Reading this book gives you insight into other marriages and having example helps to create real life scenarios in your head that will stick with you. This book will direct you on how to better love your spouse as well as how to better communicate your needs for love to your spouse. Don't wait until you are married to read this! Read it now! It's an easy read (coming from someone who doesn't care for reading), and you'll enjoy it too. Communication in love is so important so whether you are married happily or struggling in a marriage, or maybe ready to quit on your marriage, you should the time to "The 5 Love Languages". It's going an investment you won't regret. You can order in online at LINK HERE.

Discipline

Kids just get it. They learn from their mistakes quickly and can respond to correction at such a young age it is astounding. Do not underestimate a child I repeat do not! My 17month old regulary persists in asking so see my belly because "baby" is growing  in there. She pats my belly and kisses is or hugs is then will whisper "shhh" to me because our baby is sleeping in there while he or she grows. It's only two more short weeks or long depending on how you view them until we find out is Elise will be getting a baby brother or sister in September. Life is such a whirlwind but I am loving every minute of it and trying to drinkbin each moment and savor it. Pregnancy brain is getting me off topic. Story of life my life lately. 

All that to say that even a toddler can understand things you tell them. Don't underestimate what your kids can understand. I am not saying teach your two year old how to do fractions or read the encyclopedia to them but I do think that toddlers in particular are more intelligent than we give them credit for being. The fact that just telling a one year old she should not drop her food on the floor and shake your head no and the next day when they do it again then they shake their head before you can blows my mind a bit as a first time mom. I am avoiding using physical punishment for Elise as you may have read earlier and I encourage you try to do the same. Elise understands t consequences of her toy being taken away if she throws it in a rage. She understands no standing in the tub, don't touch the oven or stove and not to take toys from kids, hit or bite all though verbal communication. A child can understand your tone almost as well as an adult. If you tell your child "NO" in a low growling tone they understand you mean business. If you say "NO" with a smile on your face and are laughing a child will think you playing along with them. Please don't bite your baby when they bite you to explain no to them. That makes as much sense as throwing a toy at your kids face when they accidentally konk you in the nose with a ball. Don't change your sense of reasoning because you think you need to dumb it down for your baby/toddler. Just change how you present your reasons. Use short sentences that stick to the point. If your toddler is hitting you don't yell or get emotionally involved in the issue just say something like "no no ouch ouch I don't like that". Then remove yourself from the situation. One of the biggest ways to show your toddler consequences is to ignore them. Kids wants our attention and attention is used as a reward and ignoring you toddler for one pecten minutes is an excellent form of discipline that quickly drives the point home.

first comes love, then comes marriage and now to fill the "love tank"

So life is really what we make of it. Sometimes it feels like we are dealt an unfair hand but it's all about what you do with what you are given that really counts. We can focus on our frustrations or we can figure out how to best get past them and move forward. A wise woman once told me that if we are focused on the past that we can't enjoy the good things in our future. If you don't like what your life looks like right now then don't wait another day to make some changes.

I am so thankful for the marriage I have to my amazing husband Mike. I am a truly blesses woman and I don't take this for granted. Marriage is something that requires time, energy, sacrifice, selflessness and sometime money. ( I seem to break electronics. I just dropped and dented our ipod touch the other day and have permanently damaged our laptop beyond repair. My husband loves me regardless thank GOD!).

If your marriage is not what you want it to be then don't give up! Go get marriage counceling. If you think your marriage is over, I am betting you it's not. You may have just given up. I believe that although an outsiders perspective is usually annoying and unwelcome it can also be eye opening and life changing. I have been reading an amazing book that has made me stop and think more about how I relate to the love of my life. It's called "The 5 Love Languages" written by Gary Chapman. This book was given to me by a friend months ago to read and I have just finally gotten though most of it so stay tuned for my final conclusion. This book is revolutionary to the way America, Hollywood, everyone I know pretty much, thinks of love. We all focus on "being in love" and when people fall out of love with their spouse they want out of the relationship.  "The 5 Love Languages"  explains that there are stages of love and that after you date and are in marriage things change and you need to work at love a little (or a lot). Sometimes things change in this way even during dating, but I want to focus on the marriage aspect of this. We all have "LOVE TANKS". Yes, odd term but bear with me. We have specific ways that we feel most loved. These are five basic love languages. Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Most of us all express love though each of these and receive each of these as well but we have a primary one. Mine is quality time. I don't really care if you buy me presents but sometime I like it. I appreciate people doing things for me when I need a hand but it doesn't define me. You can tell me I am awesome if you want but I know if I really am or not and I know when you are just brown nosing. A hug totally shows love to me but I don't want just anyone touching me. If you really want to show me you care then you are going to spend the day doing things with me. Going for a stroll, eating a meal with me, painting or maybe just lounging. If my husband were to stop spending quality time with me then I would definitely feel unloved. It's something that I crave and need in my life to thrive. If your spouse deprives you of what makes you feel most loved then it doesn't seem to matter if they do everything else well. It's important to understand you spouses love language because you don't want their love tank to go to E!

NOT MARRIED? Get ready to be the most amazing spouse by getting a head start and reading "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. You won't regret it I guarantee. It will prepare you with the real life stories and excite you to love better.

PRACTICE NOW! Start practicing on people you already love! Is your mom's love language acts of service? Make dinner for her! Clean the house or do all the vacuuming. Is your best friend in need of some gift giving loving? Time to go shopping or make him./her something to show them you care!

BE THE KID THAT YOU WANT YOUR KID TO BE

Today was a record beautiful day with mid sixties and sunshine which brought be and some of my best girlfriends and Elise's best playmates to the zoo. Whenever I am out I like to observe people. I am a snoop and a people watcher. I make up lives and imagine where these people came from. There are always the young couples at the zoo that somehow thought that being around caged up creatures and screaming kids would be romantic. There are the old couples that take their time because they are done being in a hurry. We can't forget the mom's and kids though. We are what keeps that zoo running. We are the faithful, the tried and true. The ones that keep the animals entertained. Do you ever watch parents though? It's my favorite! They are nuts! Screaming and threatening their kids and causing a scene. It's like each family is there own day time drama. Not my friends and me of course. We are the ones that parents point to and say "why can't you be like that little girl and walk with her mom?" "See her? She is not whining!"

Now if these parents stopped and learned as much from us as we did from them then the world would be less of a zoo. When I see a mistake I try my hardest as a human to figure out WHAT went wrong and WHY? Do the same thing when you see thing going well. WHAT are they doing and WHY? Talking to your kids instead of screaming will teach them that talking is what is acceptable. Parents, I implore you to please set the example. Kids are sponges and they are soaking up every word, attitude and action that they see you performing. Be the kid you want your kid to be. Seriously, have fun, giggle, play, get messy, (and clean up). Sing and play games, talk to them respectfully and you will see a change in your whole families' life. I was a nanny for the most incredible family with two kids that were as close to angels as you could ever hope kids could be. They never yelled, they didn't hit, they listened. Oh yeah, and they were 2 years old and 5 years old. Kids are reflections of their environment. They learned this from their parents. Be a super mom, be a super dad. Don't just "raise the kids". Raise them to be leaders and examples. 

To spank or not to spank?

Were you spanked as a child? I was, and so was Mike and not to brag, but we both have turned out pretty well. We are not emotionally scarred  from this for of punishment that we choosing to avoid but what is the best way to discipline your child?

There are many factors when it comes to deciding what to do. Age is a factor. There are age appropriate punishments that seem to work best with toddlers, preschoolers, teens, etc. Every child is so different and needs to be corrected in way that is effective. Is that why so many spank? It's true, none of us want to be hit. Can you imagine as an adult if your mother or father disliked your behavior and struck you? Is this the same thing as hitting your child? It would be humiliating. I would lose respect for my parent, I would be angry and bitter and feel that I could not trust them or rely on them. Does spanking affect your child more than you think? If we are trying to get our children to respect us I believe that we also need to respect them.

OUR GENERATION
All my friends got spanked. Some with bare hands, belts, twigs, sticks, wooden spoons, wooden paddles... some of these tools for punishment had names and labels. Most of my friends do not want to spank or only do it as a last resort when nothing else is working. We all turned out pretty good so again I admit that it IS effective, but that is not what molded us into who we are. The top definition to the word discipline is "training to act in accordance with rules" according to www.dictionary.com. That is what I am going for. I don't want to always resort to punishment which is defined below.

pun·ish·ment

   [puhn-ish-muhnt]  Show IPA

noun

1.

the act of punishing.

2.

the fact of being punished,  as for an offense or fault.

3.

a penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc.

4.

severe handling or treatment.

The Purpose

The purpose of my blog is going to be to make people laugh, think and learn. I want to share my journey of life as a young mom wanting to do more than be "a stay at home mom". I am typically brutally honest, at least in my head if I don't say it out loud so welcome to me head because that's what this blog is going to be. I hope you choose to follow me on my journey. I hope you laugh and cry and scream along with me and that you grow...up, not OUT. So here is the beginning...